Joker's Distortion
by Aerithmo
Summary: While many masks are made sturdy, they eventually begin to crack. Akira Kurusu has worn a mask for so long without the slightest crack, but while the masks of those around him strengthen, his degrades. It is only a matter of time before his mask cracks. Without any outside influence, this mask will shatter. Can the Phantom Thieves help their leader?
1. Chapter 0

**"Damn Brat, I'll Sue!"**  
**"How could you do this to us, you worthless son! *Smack*"**  
**"You're mother's right, I'm ashamed."**  
**""So basically, you got kicked out for being a pain in the ass."**  
**"Being a pain in the ass"**  
**"Stop, stop it please."**  
**"Come on, cooperate. Or what, you want another shot?"**  
**"To think all those crimes were led by a punk like this."**  
**"We're going to make you understand... One must take full responsibility for their actions.**  
**"Stop, I swear, I'm innocent, please believe me.**"  
_-ker..._  
_joker..._  
_**JOKER! Wake up!**_

*Gasp*

Akira woke up panting, coated in a thin layer of sweat. He could feel a weight on his hips. Looking forward, it was Morgana, looking as worried as a cat could.

"Are you alright? That's the 3rd night in a row you've had one of these nightmares!"

It had currently been 4 days since he met back up with his friends, but after his physical and mental rejuvenation, his nightmares had also come back. They had initially started a bit after changing Kamoshida's heart. He never let it on, but every time he heard people say all of that stuff about him, the more he hurt, and the more his subconscious started to believe it. Thus, many times he would have restless sleep due to the voices of all those disappointed in him. It had only gotten worse after the interrogation. Those interrogators had be relentless in attacking his Psyche. It helped that while invading Shido's palace, he could always let out his despair and anger into some shadows, without anybody knowing different.

"I'm fine, it's alright." He said, lying to his Cat/Fellow Phantom thief. "I'm Joker, the leader of the Phantom Thieves, it's just a little nightmare." Little was the biggest understatement he had ever said.

"His cat's bright blue eyes pierced through him with suspicion, before morphing into concern. "Are you sure we shouldn't get you some help? You've been more aggressive against shadows rece-" He couldn't finish the sentence before Akira interrupted him.

"I said I'm fine! Now, "I must be tired" and "We should go to sleep", alright!?" He said with abnormal agitation, causing Morgana to slink back. He immediately recognized his mistake and felt immediately guilty. "Sorry for going off at you Mona. It's just that I'm tired right now. I'm just angry at Shido for everything he's done to me." He soothed, lying again.

"Alright. Goodnight Joker."

"G'night mona."

He didn't immediately fall asleep though, instead, opting to Mona-Watch. He watched his cat slumber, envious of his easy sleep. He couldn't help but think about his earlier outburst though.

_I really am like people say about me huh? I'm just some aggressive problem ch-, no, worse, some random pain in the ass. I'm just a disappointment._

He thought about all the fantastic people he bonded with, and how much he didn't deserve them.

_I don't need them to know. It's probably already hard enough for them just being my friend, Poor Makoto having to drag down her reputation just to chat with me, or Ryuji and Ann getting scoffs and glares. I really am just a burden to them. I can't help them anymore, they helped themselves. I'm just some leech, who can't help themselves. And it's gonna stay that way. Maybe when I transfer back to my old town I can just cut ties with all of them. Save them the issues that come with being associated with me._

Thoughts like that continued until he drifted back into his nightmares, his body, this time opting to stay quiet.


	2. Chapter 1: Observations

It had been months since the original forming of the group known as the Phantom Thieves. The group had started small, but after every stolen heart, a new companion would join their group. But despite how new or old each member was, there was one thing they all knew. Something was up with Akira.

It had started with small changes. With him sometimes zoning out during team discussions, and moments during Metaverse missions where he would stay unusually quiet, even by his standards.

But it had gotten worse.

The first observation was his overall change in battle strategy. Before, he would be slow and strategic, making sure to find a shadow's weakness. But now he would simply go for sheer force, and although it worked, it was noticed how graphically brutal he would be with the shadows.

The second observation was how he would act after the battles. Despite being healed, he would always seem slightly pained, and although he kept it well hidden, they could see a glint of regret and possibly fear, in his eyes.

Lastly, was their newfound information from Morgana.

They met up without their leader at one of the study cafe's he would go to.

"So he's been having nightmares?" Ryuji asked.

"Maybe, but I think that with the sheer amount of them, and the severity, it might be more than just nightmares." Morgana speculated.

"Has he ever told you what these nightmares were about?" Makoto questioned. "If we can figure out what they're about, we should be able to determine the cause."

The cat frowned and shook his head. "No, usually he just tells me it's ok, then heads back to sleep. But I do hear him mumbling, though it's too faint, and I can't understand what he's saying" he explained.

"Then I guess it's fine. I mean, if something wasn't fine, he would tell us right." Ryuji said.

"Ryuji you idiot!" the cat hissed. "Don't you remember how Shiho acted with lady Ann? Or how Makoto was?"

Ann looked down. "He has a point. Back when Kamoshida was here, we both his our pain from each other so that the other could stay strong. It was really unhealthy for us, but thankfully the three of you helped us. But Ryuji also has a point. Akira has always been honest with us. He's our leader, and friend!" She said passionately.

"I may have an idea." Yusuke said. "Painting can commonly be an expression of the emotions one is feeling. Perhaps if I can convince him to paint alongside me, I can find what troubles him."

Futaba rolled her eyes. "It's always paint with you isn't it Inari? But I guess it is a good idea."

Morgana sighed in guilt. "I'm sorry for not telling you guys. He would always tell me it's fine, and for the longest time I was too focused on myself to even recognize his problems."

"It's alright Mona-Chan." Haru soothed. "We're just as guilty as you. We should have been able to recognize something was wrong sooner as well."

"But that's the thing! We still don't know what his issue is!" Ryuji said upset. "But whatever it is, clearly it's getting worse!"

"Calm down Ryuji. If we want to help him, we should have a plan." Makoto said determinedly. "If we intend on doing Yusuke's suggestion, I propose that we do it after obtaining this last letter of recommendation. After we've found that, a lot of stress should be relived, hopefully making him easier to open up."

"That sounds like an excellent plan Queen." Morgana mewed.

The Thieves agreed to set the plan in motion. Unbeknownst to them though, a specific detective would throw a wrench in that plan.


	3. Chapter 2: Attic Trash

**But you... you're just some criminal trash living in an attic! So how...!?**

_You're right. I am trash_

**How does**** someone like you****have things I don't!? **

_I don't deserve them_

**How can such a ****worthless piece of trash****be more special than me!?**

_I... am... worthless_

**Let's make a deal... OK? You won't say no... will you?**

_I couldn't save you. You went through just as much as all of us, if not more, and I... LET YOU DIE! I get to continue living, with all these wonderful people I don't deserve, but you had to die! I was given this power to help people, and I couldn't help you. Akechi…_

"Joker wake up! Joker!"

"Akira-Kun please wake up!

"C'mon man! We gotta get out of here before some shadows find us!"

Akira's eyes flew open after hearing the mention of shadows. He felt the cool ground, and could feel distortion. Opening his eyes he saw Makoto putting his left arm around her while Ryuji got his right. He couldn't focus. He felt the warm taste of copper in his mouth, and could feel various cuts on his body, each bleeding. His vision was blurry as instead of walking, they put him on Makoto's Persona. He couldn't keep his eyes open, and started coming in and out of sleep.

The next time he opened his eyes he was in a safe room alone with Makoto. She was casting a healing spell on him. While he felt his injuries start to disappear, the pain in his head didn't stop. He closed his eyes.

He could hear a door bust open. He could hear concerned voices of his friends talking to each other. it was hard to make out through the pain but he could hear.

"W-Why isn't he awake yet! You healed him right Makoto?" he could hear Ann say.

"Of course! It was the first thing I did! He must be in some sort of shock!"

"The hell is wrong with his clothes! He isn't wearing his Joker costume anymore!" Ryuji shouted. "C'mon Mona you should know this right?"

"H-How am I supposed to know! My guess is that something is happening with him mentally!" the feline yelled back.

"Well whatever is wrong with him, he needs medical attention!" Yusuke pointed out.

"But how would we explain this to the doctor!" Haru asked

"I know where we can go." Futaba said determinedly "It's the place where he gets the medical supplies! Takemi clinic, it's right down the street from LeBlanc. He told me that if anything were to happen, to go there. Apparently she also figured out our secret, so she wouldn't be suspicious."

"Alright, I'll take him to the entrance on Anat, but I'll have to wait for you there, it would be suspicious if it was only me." Makoto said. "Here, Ryuji, Ann, Yusuke, help me pick him up."

He could feel arms reach underneath him, and elevate him.

"I know now's now the time, but for someone so slim, he sure feels heavy." Ann says with a grunt.

"Probably all muscle. Aside from doing what we do, the two of us used to run together. And I remember Mona sayin' something about him going to the gym during his free time." Ryuji guessed.

"I mean, thinking back on the beach, he did seem pretty toned" Ann wondered what he might look like now, the thought causing a blush. "Maybe him and Queen could spar sometime."

"Guys, as much as I would like to lighten the mood, this is serious, who knows what might be happening to him. Now, ANAT!" Makoto said.

Akira could once again feel himself be put onto the bike, as he felt the revving of a motor. He could feel Makoto's body also come on as her arms went under his and grabbed the handle's. He couldn't open his eyes though, apparently even that was too physically taxing. He wondered how Akechi felt. Injured... Alone… Dead. His last thoughts before falling back into sleep were of his fallen companion, And of his guilt for being unable to save him.

Once again, his mind came out of it's temporary stasis. He could feel the wavy transition between the Metaverse to the real world, before once again feeling his arms draped around his friends. This time Haru and Yusuke. He couldn't stand being dead weight anymore so he did the best he could to open his eyes, albeit squinting, and attempt to walk. Through his squinted eyes, he could see Futaba leading the way, with Ryuji and Ann flanking her to help part through the crowded sidewalk along with Makoto walking next to Haru, seemingly ready to give an explanation to anybody who may be suspicious. They noticed his awakening but based off of his weakness, decided to stay silent, albeit with looks of concern. They guided him onto a train, where they placed him in a free seat. They told the people next to them that he had simply stayed up to ate studying, and was suffering from severe sleep deprivation. Apparently he looked the part, so they nodded with understanding. He attempted to life his head in order to give a weak grin, before putting his head down again. He could feel a smaller, smooth hand grab his own, whom he presumed to be Futaba. Shortly after, he could feel other hands place themselves over his. It was soothing, being able to know that his friends were there.

_I don't deserve this. I'm just some no-good, Attic Trash, Pain in the ass. I wonder if HE ever got to have the feeling of being surrounded by those you care about. I wish you could have. I by all means should hate you. You tried to kill me, and planned on killing my friends! You had multiple speeches on how worthless I was! It's now that I realize. It because you were right. I am worthless. I couldn't save the one I felt most connected with. That's why I don't hate you. You're like me. We were both wronged by the same man. And until we did something interesting, society looked down on us. Why... Akechi…_

He blacked out.


End file.
